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a queer and pleasant danger
The Physics of Jensen Ackles and the J-squared effect explained 
22nd-Jan-2007 08:12 pm
myboys

Jensen Ackles is a phenomenon through which all objects attract each other. Modern physics describes Jensen Ackles using the General Theory of Hotness, but the much simpler Law of Sexiness provides an excellent approximation in many cases.

 

Without Jensen Ackles, matter would not have coalesced into the Earth, the Sun, other celestial bodies or minor celebrities and life and sexual gratification as we know it would not exist.  
   

Jensen Ackles is also responsible for keeping the Earth and the other planets in their orbits around the Sun, for the formation of tides, and for the esploding into goo of fangirls and boys.

Every major celebrity is surrounded by their own Jensen Ackles’ field, which exerts an attractive force on any object. The Jensen Ackles’ field of Jensen Ackles is so intense that the entire solar system and previously firmly established sexual and personal boundaries have been know to collapse in its vicinity.

This Jensen Ackles’ field is proportional to the body's mass and varies inversely with the square of distance from the body. In cases such as the one illustrated below , where the mass of Jared Padalecki is huge and the distance between them is infinitesimal, the field will be at its strongest, and nothing will be able to escape it.

The Special Theory of Sexuality or J-squared Effect was proposed in 2005 by Eric Kripke in his article "On the Dynamics of Stars". Kripke’s theory combines the postulate that all observers will always assume co-stars to be having sex regardless of their state of gender, sexuality or marital status with Jensen Ackles Field Theory.

 

This has yielded the now famous Padackles Equation where:

 

SE= x j2

 

where sexual activity (SE)  is proportional to the proximity of Jensen and Jared, and where x  is the cosmological constant which means that the equation holds true in any time or place in the universe.

 

The Special Theory of Sexuality overthrows the Glossy Magazine Theorem stating that the relationship between co-stars is proportional to their heterosexuality.

 

The J-squared Effect has a variety of surprising consequences that seem to violate common sense, but that have been verified experimentally. Even two-dimensional representations of J-Squared draws people inexorably towards it (at a rate determined by picture resolution x download speed).

 



 

ETA: The MissyJack SuperComputer just finished running the data to integrate the Jeffrey Dean Morgan co-variant, which results in the special case  J-cubed Effect. On occasion however this can cause the disintegration of the Jensen Ackles' field, and disruption of the Padackles.

 

Further work is being done on introducing the contravariant Wentworth factor, however I am having trouble adjusting for the antisymmetric tensor also known as the  keepaofthecheez effect.

ETAA: To answer queries about the Chad co-variant. This of course is covered by Mayhem Theory. That is: when a barely legal blonde flutters her eyelashes in one state, there is a ripple effect felt in Vancouver which disrupts the Chad.

 

Comments 
22nd-Jan-2007 09:38 am (UTC)
DUDE.
22nd-Jan-2007 11:04 am (UTC)
Maths dont lie
22nd-Jan-2007 09:44 am (UTC)
*SNICKER*

I- yeah. Isn't this like the second pic of Jared trying to climb Jensen like a tree?

Oh their wee heads. *fond*
22nd-Jan-2007 11:05 am (UTC)
Yes, Jared hasn't worked out that he's the tree...
22nd-Jan-2007 10:05 am (UTC)
LOVE!
22nd-Jan-2007 11:06 am (UTC)
ta!
22nd-Jan-2007 10:07 am (UTC)
You are AWESOME.

Because, it actually makes perfect sense. It does.
How does JDM compute according to the Jensen Ackles Field Theory and related theories? I want him to have his own equation too!
22nd-Jan-2007 11:06 am (UTC)
The Super computer is currently calculating the JDM effect...

thanks
22nd-Jan-2007 10:15 am (UTC)
Was someone seeing my women = evil equation entries when they made this? :D
22nd-Jan-2007 10:23 am (UTC)
you are my inspiration!
22nd-Jan-2007 10:16 am (UTC)
when was the last time i told you I LOVE YOUR BRAIN?

I LOVE YOUR BRAIN!!!
22nd-Jan-2007 11:07 am (UTC)
Brain is pleased!

It was all those years I had at MIT...

you know before i got chucked out for fighting...
22nd-Jan-2007 11:10 am (UTC)
So, I think I love you.

The physics, man. Beautiful. *g*
22nd-Jan-2007 11:12 am (UTC)
wait til you see my multivariate regression analysis *winks*
22nd-Jan-2007 11:14 am (UTC)
I almost wish i'd stuck at physics
22nd-Jan-2007 11:23 am (UTC)
just sit back and enjoy observing the Jsquared effect!
(Deleted comment)
22nd-Jan-2007 11:31 am (UTC)
Happy to lend it to you, i don't need it for gazing at J2!
22nd-Jan-2007 12:17 pm (UTC)
OMG that actually makes complete and utter perfect sense *squeeees* my geek is happy :D

The Padackles must not be disrupted by the Wentworth factor or J-cubed equation tho, it disrupts the J2 field too severely ;)

Your geek makes my geek bow down and worship it :P
22nd-Jan-2007 12:21 pm (UTC)
My geek accepts your worship.

Thanks!
22nd-Jan-2007 12:22 pm (UTC) - p.s.
omg is there a bigger version of that picture online anywhere *dies*
22nd-Jan-2007 12:37 pm (UTC) - Re: p.s.
i'm sure there must be - check the newsletter for links.
22nd-Jan-2007 12:29 pm (UTC)
THERE IS NO WENTWORTH FACTOR. WHO IS THIS 'WENTWORTH' YOU SPEAK OF? DO NOT HURTED ME.

(omg, I ♥ you.)
22nd-Jan-2007 12:36 pm (UTC)
See even maths proves J2!!!

And its okay, it turns out the Wentworth factor was a statistical anomaly that has now been erased.

♥ you back
22nd-Jan-2007 12:41 pm (UTC)
*marvels*
22nd-Jan-2007 01:06 pm (UTC)
I knew my degree in astrophysics would come in handy in fandom...
22nd-Jan-2007 01:00 pm (UTC)
*giggle* at 5 am after having been up forever and a half, THIS MAKES SENSE.

*ded now*
22nd-Jan-2007 01:07 pm (UTC)
*revives you*

thanks!
22nd-Jan-2007 01:13 pm (UTC)
*laughs. A LOT!*

Hey, what about the CMM sub-variant??? *runs away giggling*

:D
best laugh in days, thank YOU. *ggg*
22nd-Jan-2007 01:16 pm (UTC)
Also, also, I want me some JDM co-variant :D

Can the CMM considered as collateral, an unavoiddable dispersion, a sort of statistic fixed percentual of error?
22nd-Jan-2007 01:16 pm (UTC)
unavoidable...see? see?
22nd-Jan-2007 01:50 pm (UTC)
This had me in stitches. BEST USE OF MATHS EVER. ♥

In particular, I think I liked Kripke's contribution.
22nd-Jan-2007 09:04 pm (UTC)
Why thank you! *blushes* Kripke's mathematical genius is much under-rated
22nd-Jan-2007 02:06 pm (UTC)
Hey, I think I like this kind of math! Will this be on the test?
22nd-Jan-2007 09:05 pm (UTC)
yes it will be on the test so you better study lots of J2 pics.
22nd-Jan-2007 02:18 pm (UTC)
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

SO SHINY! *dies laughing*

I am So printing this and putting it up on my walls, to cheer me up anytime I need it :D
*happy sigh* fandom is made of shiny, and you're a star. I may comment longer at a later time (for a change, I am actually working today!)

*hugs you*
22nd-Jan-2007 09:06 pm (UTC)
*blushes and snuggles you*

You inspire me! Srsly, this fandom pwns my brain.
(Deleted comment)
22nd-Jan-2007 09:07 pm (UTC)
Kripke has a very very big brain.

remember - math is your friend.
22nd-Jan-2007 02:39 pm (UTC)
I think my brain exploded somewhere. If you see bits of it, kindly send them my way, eh?
22nd-Jan-2007 09:09 pm (UTC)
*pick pieces of brain of the walls of LJ*

thanks sweetie.
22nd-Jan-2007 02:59 pm (UTC)
Oh, man, I have so much love for this. Am friending you, because you are obviously made of awesome.
22nd-Jan-2007 09:10 pm (UTC)
*g* why thank you
22nd-Jan-2007 03:20 pm (UTC)
that's my kind of math. Oh yeah.
22nd-Jan-2007 09:10 pm (UTC)
Good! there will be a test later.
22nd-Jan-2007 03:38 pm (UTC)
You win at life.

And math.
22nd-Jan-2007 09:11 pm (UTC)
Finally I win at something! thnaks you.
22nd-Jan-2007 03:46 pm (UTC)
Well. You just made MY day.

*twirls*
22nd-Jan-2007 09:12 pm (UTC)
*twirls around with you*

Well it's about time, considering how often your fic makes MY day.

thank you.
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