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a queer and pleasant danger
Everything's Just Wonderful 
4th-Mar-2009 10:03 pm
j2 touch
Title: Everything's Just Wonderful
Author: missyjack
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating:NC-17
Words:2,000
Beta: Many thanks to the insightful editing and great feedback by rejeneration
A/N: Title from the song by Lily Allen.
Summary: Jensen's turning thirty-one and everything's just wonderful - isn't it?

"You can have a hot lover, a hot job and a hot apartment, but you can't have all three at the same time." - Armistead Maupin, Tales of the City




Jensen's turning thirty-one and everything's just wonderful.

Jared's taking him out for dinner for his birthday. Just the two of them, some new hip restaurant that's so exclusive even Jared had to book weeks in advance. It's the first time in a decade Jensen's not celebrated with a party in L.A., with enough tequila and weed to make hood-surfing down Hollywood hills or getting head from trannie hookers seem like really good ideas.

"You're not wearing those shoes are you?"

They're about to leave, the cab is out front, but Jared stretches a long arm across the door way and looks disapprovingly at Jensen's feet. Jensen follows his gaze. They look fine to him – a pair of Church's brogues from this season's new line.

"They're brown."

Jensen can't dispute the fact that his shoes are indeed brown and, while he fails to see what fashion rule they transgress, they obviously offend one of Jared's many, and that is where the argument starts and finishes.

"Sorry. I'll change them."

"The pants too." Jared places his hands on Jensen's hips, turning him slightly left and then right. "They're not the most flattering."

Jensen looks down, sucks in his gut, and clenches his ass. He doesn't have Jared's discipline or commitment to exercise. "The dark grey ones maybe?"

"Mmm. Yes. And this week you have got to fit in at least an hour a day on the cross trainer. Seriously Jensen at your age you really need to put in the effort." He smacks Jensen on the butt. "Hurry up, cab's waiting."

***


Hey dude, thinking about you. Hope it's going well. Kick ass. Enjoy.
FROM: Jared 5:37PM 01-08-2009


***


Jensen Ackles is the "Man of the Hour" according to Venice Magazine and everything's just wonderful.

How could it not be? His latest movie has added a new dimension to his career and he's the lead in a TV show that just renewed for a fifth season. "A tentpole series" the media bloggers called it, in relation to its role in the network's success he supposed, rather than as a reference to its priapic co-stars

So okay, it’s a genre show on a network that treats it like the redheaded stepchild. Not enough t&a, no room for cross-promotion with other shows, and it attracts an audience in the right demographic but with the wrong taste in fashion. The budget has shrunk so much Jensen's not sure whether he's borrowing clothes from Dean's wardrobe of vice verse and he's pretty sure this year's finale will feature him singing "Carry On Wayward Son" with Kripke backing him on vocals.

Right now, at the ass-end of Season Four, Jensen's so tired sometimes he can't remember his own name but it's good honest acting work. God knows in this industry where the next job will come from. He has hopes though, and a scrapbook in his mind of stories he dreams his own will echo. Johnny Depp going from 21 Jump Street and Nightmare on Elm Street to hugely successful, if slightly weirdo, movie star. George Clooney from The Facts of Life and E.R. to International Man of Cinema and Sexual Ambiguity.

"Careers don't just happen," Jared tells him. “You need a framework." Jared might look like he bounds through life like a dog at the beach, but he likes order and control. He's developed what he calls his professional decision matrix to evaluate the commercial and artistic elements of a project, and where it sits in relation to key milestones. Jensen occasionally consults a Magic 8 ball.

”Make more connections, be more ambitious,” says Jared. It certainly works for him – a role alongside Peter O'Toole, and a movie that takes more in it's opening weekend than Jensen's had in a month. Jensen tells people he takes the jobs that interest him – the latest movie because of the new technology, that play in Texas because it was a challenge and he hadn’t been on stage in over a decade. Truth is he grabs what comes. Somehow, he feels that to plan his career would suggest that he believes in his own talent. And while he does, for moments at a time, he never quite believes it’s real or lasting. Maybe that scene in the Season Two finale as Dean was the best he'll ever do, never to be repeated.

Jensen might be the Man of the Hour, but he can feel his fifteen minutes ticking away.

***

How's the movie. Are you wearing the funny glasses?
FROM: Jared 6:37PM 01-08-2009

***


Coming up on Shark Week, it's mating time out on the reef…

"Biting, shoving, and wrestling make for rough coupling among nurse sharks. Many sharks will show signs of battery and abuse typical of mating sharks. Some have tooth marks puncturing their heads, while others show long scrape marks along their flanks."


***


Are you at the party? Who's there?
FROM: Jared 8:26PM 01-08-2009

***


Jared is his constant and everything's just wonderful.

For nearly four years, the sun has set and risen for Jensen according to Jared. Thinking back, it’s hard to remember his life before being sucked into the Padalecki orbit.

Once Jensen saw the perfect analogy for their relationship on the Discovery Channel, something about huge bright stars and how the planets and moons and stuff got trapped by their gravitational pull. It was inevitable; it was physics. It was on after a show about sharks.

Jensen was hard for Jared since they filmed the Pilot, but figured going there would be a bad idea, ranked with the Michael Weatherly fling on the scale of dumb and dumber things he'd done. That didn’t stop him from wanting Jared though, sending out lustful thoughts like chum from the back of a boat, thinking if only Jared would start it then it would be out of his hands.

Jared took the bait.

Jensen had been thrown at first, he thought public displays of affection were the last thing Jared, as firmly closeted as Jensen himself, would want, but at work, in public, with friends, he wrapped himself around Jensen like an eternity ring. Jensen loved it, loved people knowing, in whatever way they interpreted it, that he was Jared's.

Jensen's knowledge of relationships is limited because he'd never really had one, he'd just grabbed at whoever had come close, and probably because he watched too many shows about sharks and not enough Dr. Phil. He never thought he'd have this, whatever this thing with Jared was, but there was no doubting the gravity of Jared's attraction to him. Jared's desire for Jensen was forceful and unwavering; he told Jensen so on many occasions. If Jensen ever had anxieties, or doubts, he knew they were of his own making, knitted out of things unsaid, crocheted together with deeds misunderstood.

Jensen vaguely remembers something else from the show on the Discovery Channel. About how sometimes stars went supernova and exploded.

It was either that, or the shark on Jaws. One of them for sure.

***


You sound smashed. Don't drink anymore.
FROM: Jared 8:57PM 01-08-2009


***


The very first time they fuck, Jared swallowed Jensen's cock down deep, again and again until he gagged around it. Jensen had pulled back mumbling an apology, but Jared had looked up at him, lips swollen, eyes blown, chin dripping with his own spit. He wiped a hand across his mouth, and grasped Jensen's cock with a slick hand.

"Mine."

Jared likes to mark him, the purple crescent bruises of his bites like stamps of ownership across Jensen's thighs and chest. On set sometimes, Jared will press a thumb where flannel or denim covers a tender spot, smiling as Jensen flinches and bites his lip at the rush.

He opens up to Jared in a way he never has before. It takes them three tries before Jensen can take Jared inside him. Jared is patient, working him open with fingers and mouth, taking him apart with his words. Jared opens his ass but somewhere along the line he also opens Jensen's chest, reaching inside and taking hold of his heart. He lifts it out with that huge hand, holds it between them as Jensen's blood and come mingles with the lube coating Jared's fingers, and gently squeezes around the still beating organ.

"Mine”

***


Call me. I miss you.
FROM: Jared 10:14 PM 01-08-2009


***


Sometimes Jared ignores Jensen at work, chatting to every set hand and PA, but not him. A weekend might pass without him returning one of Jensen's calls. Then he'll turn up, late at night, asking Jensen the same question.

"What do you want?"

Jensen will answer with a quiet, “to know what I've done wrong" or an explosive "a fucking explanation" or slightly petulant "to understand". Sometimes it’s just "pizza with extra cheese". It all depends on his mood.

Jared will keep asking, "What do you want?"

"Jared, please."

"What do you want?" Jared is patient with him.

"To be yours."

"To love you enough."

"You. Just you."

If there’s a right answer, Jensen never finds out.

***


Don’t call me when you’re wasted.
FROM: Jared 0:45AM 01-09-2009


***


He lives downstairs, I live up. Yeah, it worked out kinda nice because I bought a house last year you know, and he was living in a place he was renting with his buddy and he got kicked out and so I said c'mon, stay over here. Jensen's got a big old crush on me, and I just sort of try and play off it. I've told him many times nothing's going to happen. I'm not like that.

Jared Padalecki interview September, 2009



***


The service you are trying to reach is temporarily unavailable.
3:57AM 01-09-2009


***


Jensen's living with Jared and everything's just wonderful.

"Move in with me."

They had never talked about living together. About the only time Jensen doesn’t spend the night at Jared's - and it was always at Jared's place, never at Jensen's, dogs the priority, of course - was when one of them was in L.A. Not to mention that they work together 15 hours a day. Anyway, the point had seemed moot when viewed as a practical consideration, but living together wasn't just about accommodation.

Now they are about to start shooting the new season and Jensen’s homeless. Part of him wants to move in with Jared - the part that has always wanted a boyfriend and a white picket fence and matching jewelry - but he can’t bring himself to ask, because he doesn’t know if he can handle what "no" means. Or what "yes" signifies. Another part of him – that oft ignored part that occasionally watches Dr. Phil and pays attention to his mother – says it will be a bad idea. So he waits, and does nothing.

"You sure?"

"Yeah. Why not?"

So he moves in. Home is where the heart is, or so they say. In this case it’s a great place for his air mattress.

One thing stays with him, though—Jensen’s never sure whether Jared asks out of pity or out of love.

***


HAPPY BDAY DUDE. Remember me? Miss ya. Call sometime.
FROM: JASON 7:25PM 03-01-2009


***


Jensen hurries down to his room, kicks off his shoes and starts looking for his grey pants. The air mattress has been replaced with a bed, mainly to keep up appearances, although it was nice to have some space to himself. Like recently, when Jared had been inviting Misha over for regular epic chess battles. Not even Jensen’s a good enough actor to pretend he finds chess interesting.

His phone buzzes and he opens it to check the message. He starts to thumb a reply, but just then he hears the cab horn honk twice, insistently. Later he thinks, he'll call Jason later. Steve too.

He slips on a pair of black loafers and pockets the phone, checking himself quickly in the mirror.

Jensen's turning thirty-one and everything's just wonderful.

Comments 
4th-Mar-2009 11:26 am (UTC)
This is... sort of insanely creepy and unsettling. Well done.
4th-Mar-2009 11:28 am (UTC)
Thank you! I probably should add a warning: this is not the shmoop you're looking for!
4th-Mar-2009 11:26 am (UTC)
This is very sweet and yet very angsty and ever so slightly ... bitter? Not quite the right word. But that last section is, I don't know--melancholy. That's the word I'm fumbling for.

I really like this. Lovely work, hon.
4th-Mar-2009 11:30 am (UTC)
Thank you! That's sort of the reaction I was hoping for - that the reader is sort of unsettled, but unsure why. I am glad you liked it though!

4th-Mar-2009 11:46 am (UTC)
oh I like this very much, nice touch indeed
4th-Mar-2009 11:48 am (UTC)
Thank you so much sweetie!
4th-Mar-2009 12:19 pm (UTC)
*snort* When I saw this post title come up on my LJ Addon thingy, I was all "Huh, that reminds me of a Lily Allen song" *rolls eyes at self* :D

brb, reading!
4th-Mar-2009 12:21 pm (UTC)
I am a bit enamoured with her as she is in Oz at present being very hilarious and snarky!
4th-Mar-2009 12:30 pm (UTC)
Ouch! Also, wow! The tone of this is fantastic, sad and tense as it is.
4th-Mar-2009 12:37 pm (UTC)
I was a bit worried how it would work, so thanks!
4th-Mar-2009 12:35 pm (UTC)
That was somewhat upsettingly realistic. This is not a complaint. It just felt...real. Complicated. *approves*
4th-Mar-2009 12:39 pm (UTC)
That's a wonderful compliment - relationships are complicated, yo!
4th-Mar-2009 12:41 pm (UTC)
this is just so messy and so real. AWESOME.
4th-Mar-2009 12:46 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much.
(Deleted comment)
4th-Mar-2009 12:50 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much - I am glad I had an impact. I've written a couple of these before looking at fandom's version of Jared in particular through a slightly different lens.
4th-Mar-2009 12:50 pm (UTC)
hmm, this was SWEET angst. I liked it ♥
4th-Mar-2009 12:52 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much!
4th-Mar-2009 01:06 pm (UTC)
Ooooooh. I love this. It really is (as so many other people have noted) very unsettling. There's definitely a sense of something very wrong, but something the reader can't put their finger on.
4th-Mar-2009 08:38 pm (UTC)
Thanks possum!
4th-Mar-2009 01:20 pm (UTC)
Wow, that was a really cool read. I got this feeling that if Jared were to write this story from his POV it wouldn't match up with Jensen's the way Jensen would want. And that the "Everything's fine" was prophetically ironic.
4th-Mar-2009 08:39 pm (UTC)
Thanks! And yes, my idea was how relationships often look very different depending on your POV. So glad it worked for you.
4th-Mar-2009 01:33 pm (UTC)
Ooh, interesting. I think you definitely nailed the unsettling with the repetition of the "everything's just wonderful". I really enjoyed what you did with the metaphors too.
4th-Mar-2009 08:41 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I wanted to try and make it unsettling without making it too obvious why.
(Deleted comment)
4th-Mar-2009 08:42 pm (UTC)
Thank you!
4th-Mar-2009 02:21 pm (UTC)
Your writing is as perfect as always but the story was unsettling. Jensen seemed so insecure and Jared seemed to be toying with him. I enjoyed it and it made me contemplate the complexities of some relationships. Thanks for sharing.

Now.....GIVE ME SCHMOOP TO MAKE IT ALL BETTER!!!
4th-Mar-2009 08:43 pm (UTC)
Yes relationships are complex - thanks for enjoying my non-shmoop!
4th-Mar-2009 02:35 pm (UTC)
Aw, Jensen. I was just wiggling in my seat hoping for a happy ending, but I seriously love what you've done instead. : ) I like what others have said about Jensen being a little unreliable here, and that just makes me more sad for him. Poor lil' fella. Awesome fic!
4th-Mar-2009 08:45 pm (UTC)
I'm sort glad I made you wriggle in your seat - that's what i was going for. And sometimes there isnt a happy ending, or a sad ending, things just..go on ;)
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