I'm for wine and the embrace of questionable women (missyjack) wrote,
I'm for wine and the embrace of questionable women

The Physics of Jensen Ackles and the J-squared effect explained

Jensen Ackles is a phenomenon through which all objects attract each other. Modern physics describes Jensen Ackles using the General Theory of Hotness, but the much simpler Law of Sexiness provides an excellent approximation in many cases.


Without Jensen Ackles, matter would not have coalesced into the Earth, the Sun, other celestial bodies or minor celebrities and life and sexual gratification as we know it would not exist.  

Jensen Ackles is also responsible for keeping the Earth and the other planets in their orbits around the Sun, for the formation of tides, and for the esploding into goo of fangirls and boys.

Every major celebrity is surrounded by their own Jensen Ackles’ field, which exerts an attractive force on any object. The Jensen Ackles’ field of Jensen Ackles is so intense that the entire solar system and previously firmly established sexual and personal boundaries have been know to collapse in its vicinity.

This Jensen Ackles’ field is proportional to the body's mass and varies inversely with the square of distance from the body. In cases such as the one illustrated below , where the mass of Jared Padalecki is huge and the distance between them is infinitesimal, the field will be at its strongest, and nothing will be able to escape it.

The Special Theory of Sexuality or J-squared Effect was proposed in 2005 by Eric Kripke in his article "On the Dynamics of Stars". Kripke’s theory combines the postulate that all observers will always assume co-stars to be having sex regardless of their state of gender, sexuality or marital status with Jensen Ackles Field Theory.


This has yielded the now famous Padackles Equation where:


SE= x j2


where sexual activity (SE)  is proportional to the proximity of Jensen and Jared, and where x  is the cosmological constant which means that the equation holds true in any time or place in the universe.


The Special Theory of Sexuality overthrows the Glossy Magazine Theorem stating that the relationship between co-stars is proportional to their heterosexuality.


The J-squared Effect has a variety of surprising consequences that seem to violate common sense, but that have been verified experimentally. Even two-dimensional representations of J-Squared draws people inexorably towards it (at a rate determined by picture resolution x download speed).



ETA: The MissyJack SuperComputer just finished running the data to integrate the Jeffrey Dean Morgan co-variant, which results in the special case  J-cubed Effect. On occasion however this can cause the disintegration of the Jensen Ackles' field, and disruption of the Padackles.


Further work is being done on introducing the contravariant Wentworth factor, however I am having trouble adjusting for the antisymmetric tensor also known as the  keepaofthecheez effect.

ETAA: To answer queries about the Chad co-variant. This of course is covered by Mayhem Theory. That is: when a barely legal blonde flutters her eyelashes in one state, there is a ripple effect felt in Vancouver which disrupts the Chad.


Tags: crack_den
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