I'm for wine and the embrace of questionable women (missyjack) wrote,
I'm for wine and the embrace of questionable women

Title: Kansas Demon Hunters Monthly: The Winchester Interview (Norwegian remix)
Author: missyjack
Pairings: Dean/Sam
Rating: PG-13
Genre: has to be crack!fic doesn’t it?
Words: 1,183
Disclaimer: Hey don’t look at me– THEY really said this stuff.
Summary: A glimpse behind the public face of demon hunting.
Authors Notes: So the amazing ecaths transcribed an interview Jared and Jensen did with a Norwegian magazine. You can read it here. I’ve just transposed JA for Dean and JP for Sam. The words are 99% theirs, except for the intro and where I changed them from being actors to demon hunters. You can’t make up stuff this good!

In recognition of their contribution to the reduction of evil across the mid-West, this month we feature Sam and Dean Winchester. They’re young, they’re brothers and they’re hot. but what’s behind the professional veneer? We know they are hunters of evil supernatural phenomenon with an impressive kill tally. But who are the men behind the public image? I interviewed them in at undisclosed location. The doors and windows of the cabin were guarded with salt – these brothers have made enemies in the dark realms and they aren’t taking any chances.


“Okay, go on,” says Dean and grins.
“We're sick of talking about supernatural stuff anyway,” says Sam and tugs at his red beanie. Only a couple of strands of hair are peeking out here and there underneath it.

Have you ever stolen anything?

Sam thinks thoroughly through the question before answering. “I stole some candy when I was younger, but that probably doesn't count...”
“A few buddies and I used to sneak into dark alleys and break windows to steal stuff. One time we stole a whole bunch of tennis rackets and other tennis equipment,” says Dean.

So you're a little criminal
“Uh, I hope the case is outdated,” says Dean when he realizes that his felony is a bit more serious than Sam's.
“When I was 15 years old a buddy and I snuck into a liquor store. We didn't dare to smuggle a bottle outside, but we drank out of a bottle of vodka inside the store and put it back on the shelf. The owner looked mad when we left,” admits Sam with a laugh.
“I once stole a car and drove it over the Mexican border... No, I'm just kidding,” says Dean.

The most famous celebrity you have made out with...

That has to be Dean,” Sam laughs.
“You wish.”
Sam thinks for a second
“Hm, that's probably one of the questions I shouldn't answer.
“ I've never 'made out',” says Dean and looks at us.

Who was your first celebrity crush?

“You're probably going to laugh your ass off when I tell you who it is, but it was actually Jennifer Love Hewitt. I was obsessed with her when I was 16,” says Sam.
“Weren't we all,” says Dean with a grin.
“I don't really remember,” says Dean.

Was it Pamela Anderson?
“No way, not Pamela. Can I get back to you?” says Dean.
“ Dean's gay” says Sam with a grin.

“What's the first thing you do in the morning?

“I masturbate to the Tom Cruise poster I have on my bedroom wall,” says Sam and everyone cracks up.
“And you say I'm gay, says Dean, while Sam looks nervously at us taking notes. “Are you going to print this?” he asks with worry.

“No, seriously,” says Sam, “I get up and drink a lot of water, work out and then masturbate [laughs]. No, I like to run about an hour every day. If it was as healthy to masturbate I'd rather do that for an hour. No, don't write that.”

“No, of course not,” I reply.
Dean can't stop laughing and has to pull himself together before he can answer the question.
“I press the snooze button on my alarm clock and go back to sleep.”

So Sam's the health freak and you're the lazy one?
“Yep, that's right.”

What could you not live without?
“My cell phone, dog, girlfriend, bed and air conditioning. Not necessarily in that order [laughs]. My girlfriend might read this,” says Sam.
“She doesn't know Norwegian,” says Dean and looks at him.
“I can't live without sleep,” says Dean. He looks as if he didn't sleep much last night.
“Yes, that's the most important thing,” says Sam and nods.

Do you walk around the house naked?

“Yes they both reply and say it's the most natural thing in the world. Something I'll agree with.
“I love walking around the house naked,” says Dean.
“But not while I’m erect. That's uncomfortable. It's just wobbling around, so I put my boxers on to keep it in
check.” Sam looks at Dean to see if he agrees.
“No, I don't mind. I love walking around freely. Why lock it up when you're at home? That's one of the few places where you can draw some fresh air. Time to change the subject.”

What kind of music do you have on your iPod?

I have thousands of tracks.”Sam looks at the ceiling while thinking about it.
“Yeah,” and they're all downloaded off the internet, says Dean and grins.
“Noooo, I buy a lot of music as well.” Sam has apparently downloaded a lot of illegal music and gets a little frustrated at Dean.
“I have a lot of mp3's as well, but not nearly as many as Sam.” Dean looks at him and shakes his head.

What kind of music do you like and what was the last CD you bought?
“I bought the new Pearl Jam album, it's fantastic. I like Griffin House as well.” Sam sits back and throws his feet up on another chair.
“I'm more of a fan of singer/songwriters. I like Jeff Buckley, Jack Johnson...” Dean struggles to remember more names.
“I also like Radiohead, Foo Fighters, AC/DC, Led Zeppelin,” says Sam and lists bands he likes.

Do you eat birds, fish or vegetables?

“What?!? “They're both looking at us and Sam sits back up in the chair.
“Birds? What's that? You mean chicken?” Sam looks at us.
“Hello, we're both from Kansas. We eat T-Bone steak for breakfast, lunch and supper,” explains Dean somewhat seriously before he grins.
“Yeah, we love red meat, but we eat vegetables and fish as well of course,” says Sam.

“Yes, I love sushi. They have great sushi across the states where we hunt,” says Dean.
“I got into sushi a little late. I was actually 18 the first time I tried it,” admits Sam.

What's your biggest pet peeve?

“Tabloid press and reality TV. That's some of the worst shit ever. Why does the younger generation care to read or watch that kind of crap? Are they completely stupid and brain dead? It's just sad,” Dean explains and shakes his head.
Sam taps him on the shoulder.
“Relax. The people you're talking about probably read this.”
“Yeah, and that's good, but this is not really the world's most intellectual magazine either. Though we are forced to say something else and we're of course thankful that we have a job.”

You don't watch TV?
“Rarely, says Dean, “I say it's a waste of time. I watch an episode every now and then, but when I watch TV, I usually end up watching the Discovery Channel.”
“I agree with Dean. TV takes up too much of people's time. Reality TV is a bunch of crap, and I don't understand why people would want to read about who gained weight and who's dating who in the tabloids.”


Next month: William the Bloody aka Spike spills the inside goss on Buffy’s weight loss scandal and advice on how to get out those unsightly ectoplasm stains.

Tags: crack!fic, supernatural

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